Heal the wound but leave the scar A reminder of how merciful You are I am broken, torn apart, take the pieces of this heart Heal the wound but leave the scar
My addiction started when I was 9 years old. I wanted to fit in, so I smoked a bowl for the first time. I continued to get high on pot for the next year and when I was just 10 years old, I snorted my first pill. By age 14 I was doing cocaine. When I was 9, I was molested by a family member, I would get high to forget about him violating my body.
I met my now ex-husband was a month shy of 17 and we were married when I turned 18. He introduced me to crack and crystal meth. I was instantly hooked. It took over our lives and ruined our relationship. Our marriage ended in 2007. I vowed never to get high again and I didn't for almost three years, but I fell right back into smoking pot, then eventually smoking pills and the meth again. Four years ago, I was introduced to roxys, suboxone, and subutex. I was using them daily. My addiction got the best of me. I had to seek validation from men to feel beautiful, to the point of exchanging sexual favors for drugs because I couldn't live without getting high.
I was never there mentally for my four children. When I thought my addiction couldn't get any worse and life wasn't worth living, I was introduced to the needle and a whole new level of addiction hit. I loved the whole process. The pain. The instant high, even watching the blood hit the liquid. I was addicted worse than I had ever been. I went from doing drugs to selling them just to get high and that's when I got arrested for the first time. I got bonded out but still continued to get high until the indictments and that was when I went to actual jail, Southern Regional Jail, for seven days. I got out and tried to do better, but I wanted to do my suboxone until it was prescribed and ended up absconded from DRC and that was when my life changed for the good. I got sent back to Southern Regional Jail for forty long days. Forty days away from my children, family and my home. It showed me what my life was going to be like if I continued living the way I was living.
I finally came home and stayed clean six months until Christmas and relapsed. I felt sad and fell into a depression, but Jennifer pulled me out of it and since then I haven't touched anything. It's been over a year since I got high and life has been so much better. I am healthy. I have my family and my first job. I am now employed at a different location. I am happy with my life.
I don't take for granted what I did not have for so many years and that is the ability to enjoy life without drugs or anything or anyone holding me back. I strive every day to be a better person, mom, daughter, employee and friend. I am so blessed because God spared my life and gave me another chance at life, and I don't want to fall back into the devil’s temptation. God's hand guides me every step of the way.